The Rabbit Hole
This isn’t a doll post – in fact, I haven’t made a doll post in a while because I was feeling drained with, well, everything. I’m going to try and get back in the swing of things shortly, but for now, I just thought I’d share this ramble.
To say that this year, and the end of 2019, has brought challenges would be an understatement.
The Australian wildfires brought global warming to the forefront for many, myself included, who looked on in horror as both animals and people fled for their lives, leaving their homes burning behind them. The loss of life among the animal community galvanized people, donation funds were set up, seeing people come together like that, I felt almost hopeful. Like things were going to change for the better. When the rains came, people stood on their balconies and cheered like a war had finally come to an end. It was a fleeting moment of hope, a glimmer, and while it’s only been a few months, it feels like years.
The world was still watching evacuation notices when covid19 appeared out of nowhere, like some evil ninja that snuck up on us. Some people claim it’s a hoax, though how they can believe that, with over 380,000 dead globally is beyond me. Having a “no mask” addition to the “no shirt, no shoes, no service” line long adhered to by most western society – not the people of Walmart, we’ve all seen those - seemed to be too much for some. They stormed capital buildings, heavily armed, and screamed in the faces of both police and healthcare workers, demanding they be able to get haircuts.
I understand the need to get back to work, especially for those who work paycheck to paycheck, but it’s the government’s job to step in and bail out people – not big corporations – so that they don’t have to risk their lives to return to work. Some countries pulled this off, others didn’t, I don’t think I need to say which ones failed. I know people who are losing their homes right now because, unlike me, they’re unable to work from home and they’re not able to pay their rent. That’s the government failing to do their job, which is to ensure that their people are safe. $1200 in a one-time check is not helping anyone nearly enough.
For whatever it’s worth, because we’re able to work from home, we’re able to take this pandemic very seriously and we’ve been quarantined together since early March. We’ll continue to do so, even though Denmark is re-opening now, I still worry it’s too soon, especially when I look over the bay at Sweden.
On a very personal note, I’ve lost sleep thinking that I may have been unwittingly spreading this illness while I was in Thailand. You see, I had a few days where I felt unwell – slight fever, headache, dry cough, muscle pain, unable to take a deep breath; all signs I now know could be covid19. I wore a mask and did my best to limit interactions, but only after I felt symptoms kick in. I assumed it was the flu, or a bug of some sort. I’m haunted by the question: was it? Or was I exposing people to covid19? On the days leading up to where I started taking it easy, was I spreading this virus when I rode public transportation? When I went to the movies? When I handed people food on the streets? It keeps me up at night to think how many people I could have exposed before showing symptoms.
Denmark has greatly increased its testing and sometime in the next month I’ll be able to be tested for both the virus itself and the antibodies.
We hadn’t caught our collective breath or even had time to fully adjust to our new living situations when the internet widely circulated a woman choking her dog while calling the police, making the false statement to them that an “African American male” was attacking she and her dog in a park. The truth, however, was far from what she described. She was angry that a bird-watcher asked her to leash her animal in an area not intended for unleashed dogs. Not in the least unreasonable, but her reaction was horrifying. She was willing to see a man arrested and potentially shot because she didn’t want to leash her pet and she knew the police would automatically assume she was the innocent party, and it would have to be sorted out later. She knowingly weaponized both his gender and skin color with an ease that made my stomach lurch.
That in and of itself was disgusting, but things got even worse when, not three days later, a police officer knelt on the neck of a cuffed man and killed him. He was a black man suspected of using a fake 20$ bill, I crime hardly worth being executed over. I used a fake bill when I was in my 20’s. The difference is that while the police were called on me, I was simply asked where I got the bill, told them I got it from the store next door (true), and they took me to that other store and demanded those folks give me a real 20$ bill while they checked their cash register for other fake bills. I’m a white woman. No one assumed I was guilty. No one cuffed me. No one knelt on my neck or back. No one killed me.
Floyd was cuffed and on the ground, and an officer knelt on his neck for nearly nine minutes. He suffocated to death, exhaling “I can’t breathe”. He was killed for the same situation I found myself in, and I can’t help but wonder what point that officer felt he was making as he looked straight into the cameras and put his hands in his pockets. Why this was considered an acceptable action for him to take for nearly nine minutes is beyond me. What was he thinking he was accomplishing, beyond taking someone’s life? Thankfully, it was caught on film, while his fellow officers – men and women who have sworn to protect and serve everyone, including that man on the ground – watched on and did absolutely nothing.
“I can’t breathe”. If you haven’t seen the video, you’ve either been very fortunate or very diligent at avoiding it. It was heart-breaking to witness. I watched someone die. I watched someone being murdered.
I was asked, mockingly if this “triggered me”, as though somehow being triggered by witnessing a life being snuffed out is a bad thing. I was reminded of an article titled “Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil” and shook my head at this person, wondering if they were trying to look tough, or if they genuinely see other people as objects and nothing more.
Of course I was triggered, anyone who doesn’t lack empathy was triggered, that’s not a bad thing. It just shows that we’re humans that care.
The response in the last week has been intense. Unarmed protesters were tear-gassed and shot with rubber bullets, some, including reporters, have lost their eyes. Where was this reaction with the armed, re-open protesters who stormed capital buildings dressed like Isis, waving swastikas? Also, when did Nazi flags become fashionable again? When I was growing up the only Nazi flags I saw were shown in movies before the hero punched the Nazi in the face.
The contrast between the reaction to the protests is stark and quite telling and I can’t help but feel like skin tone plays a major part in this. When the peaceful protesters were attacked, complete with videos of vehicles driving into crowds, things went from bad to much, much worse. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the times when people I knew were condemning folks who knelt during the national anthem to peacefully protest. That was the “wrong way to protest”, too.
My question for all the people saying there’s a “right way to protest” – what is it? What is the way to protest that won’t get people tear-gassed or ruin their careers, that also brings about change? Apparently, kneeling wasn’t peaceful enough. Marching hasn’t been enough. At some point, when you’re not able to peacefully protest, the pressure is going to bubble over. When it does, we get riots, looting, cities on fire, and people die. None of which is okay!
That’s just my two cents. I don’t have any answers, either. I wish I did.
Be kind to each other, and more than that, be empathetic.
