Cookie Crumble Catastrophe

I never claimed to be a pastry chef, or even someone capable of cooking a decent meal – it’s always hit or miss with me, never anything in between. Like, for example, the time I used “garlic salt” instead of “garlic powder” and made something so bad that eating a single bite meant that it had to promptly exit the way it entered – I wish I was kidding, but I’m not.

That said, I found what I thought was an “idiot proof” recipe for cookies. I’m one of those “better safe than sorry” types, thankfully, and decided to give it a test run and make sure that everything was just right before baking them for friends on Christmas Eve.

Oh wow, am I glad I did.

Quick thanks to Cole for capturing my moment of defeat after the first two attempts, because this is a moment I want to remember forever. I need a sarcasm font.

Turns out, our oven is similar to a volcano – it decides what temperature it’s going to be and it fluctuates wildly based on mood. I didn’t even know an oven could have a mood! But, apparently, ours does. Yay?

Despite following the recipe and instructions to the letter, this was the first batch:

For the uninitiated, what you’re seeing there is a half-charcoal, half-raw cookie. I’m not sure how it happened, but it did. The underside on the cookies is almost completely blackened, whereas the top is mostly raw. Somewhere in the middle there might be something edible, but asking people to dig through them would just be humiliating on a level even I cannot accept.

When you start with “Holy sh*t, why is the kitchen smoking?!” (Cole’s exact words), you can only get better on the next batch – right?

…Right?

Now, these cookies look good, right? They do to me, at any rate. They’re cooked evenly, they pull apart nicely, the little chocolate chips have melted just right…perfect, right? That’s what I thought. I plucked them off the cooling rack and triumphantly displayed them to Cole – victory was mine!

Or…was it?

Unfortunately, this time, I can’t blame it on my oven. While these cookies are everything I mentioned above, they’re lacking one, key ingredient that is a deal-breaker for most (all) baked goods. Sugar. Yes, I forgot the sugar. These certainly had a memorable flavor, but one I’d rather no one else ever have to experience. Well…maybe if it’s the birthday of someone I don’'t like…

Thankfully, as it turned out, the third time was the charm and I somehow managed to lumber my way through the process of baking without smoking up the kitchen or forgetting the sugar.

Huzzah!

End result:

They’re not the best cookies in the world, let’s be realistic here. I live in Copenhagen – a city with an entire baking culture to the point we have four bakeries in five minutes walking distance, not counting the bakery attached to the grocery three groceries in the same radius, counting them, there are seven bakeries in five minutes walking distance.

Now, you might be wondering why I didn’t just buy the cookies, rather than pushing myself to the edge of sanity … I’m starting to wonder the same thing. Facepalm! Blood, sweat, and tears were the price for the cookies I made; they’re better than what you can buy in a box at the grocery store…that has to count for something, right? I guess baking just isn’t a part of my skill set.

Do you bake? Any tips for someone who burns things, while keeping them raw, and forgets sugar? Haha.

Have a good one and thanks so much for stopping in.