Bench Warming 101
I'm writing today in order to sort out my thoughts, perhaps even vent a little. You see, Monique, who is someone I've known most of my life, is romantically involved with someone I don't very much approve of.
I know. I think this isn't all that uncommon and that on many levels, its not my place to judge or meddle in how others tend to their relationships. But my friend is suffering and I really dislike it. I want her to have happiness, not constant stress and aggravation.
Let me explain. She met her boyfriend through a dating service. Nothing sordid or any of that, just a way to connect with others. They developed a mutually satisfying, long distance relationship and were very happy for two years. They didn't get together often, but when they did, they were like love drunk puppies. They were adorable and happy, which in turn, made me happy. I fully approved of my friend's boyfriend.
Then he, over the course of the third year, slowly began to become more and more unavailable. There was an occasional missed call, a “seen” but not replied to text, or dangling email. A trip was rescheduled, Skype and various messengers seemed to malfunction more than normal, and conversations pulled further away from matters of the heart.
Eventually there was something of a breakup, but it was more akin to a greenstick fracture than a clean break. The boyfriend retreated to the locker room of inactivity while my besty stayed on the field. I did my best to be supportive while also trying to pull her to the sidelines. I didn't want her to get tackled again.
This unrequited state continued for several months and I watched my friend suffer for it every day. It didn’t matter what I said or how I said it, she refused to give up on her relationship, despite it being entirely one-sided. I grew to despise her ex for his unwillingness to exit my friend's life cleanly. It isn't like he was unaware of her feelings.
They just didn’t matter more than him having a bench-warming backup.
”Charming”
I just wish he would quit playing with her heart!
Then, a few short months ago, they experienced some sort of reconciliation, some sort of blossoming renewal and they were right back to joy is me. As kindly as possible, I warned my friend to guard her heart. This wouldn't last.
Now, he's doing it again. Only this time its even worse. He can't get to the phone because he's handling family affairs. Which, according to a little social media stalking by yours truly, means:
sitting in a boat out on the lake, taking selfies with the fish he just caught.
a selfie with a tagged “friend” in a bikini sitting on his lap
out to dinner with said “friend” in several photos that have red roses on the table.
sitting with his feet up, playing videogames, and streaming it.
He’s also told her that he was sleeping, or in stores where cell service is bad, or dealing with an obtuse sister. The excuses just keep coming. He didn't even try to make contact on their four year anniversary. Something both of them had been enthusiastic about since the first year. Just another Or.
I'm frustrated because my friend really loves this person, but he makes her miserable far more often than not and all the advice in the world falls on deaf ears. I'm not alone in my offer of counsel. Our entire circle of friends has tried to illuminate these things and all to no avail.
I'm hoping there's a glimmer of understanding that's beginning to glow around the edges of my good friend. She isn't dumb, nor is she a fool. She just wants to be loved and hates giving up on anything. All I can do is be there for her. Some things, I suppose, can only be realized from within.
Thanx for letting me vent. Until next time, ciao!
This is actually happening to Dee in real life and it’s super frustrating. I asked her if I could post it, after letting her read it, and she agreed. I’m writing it from Jacinda’s POV, to further her story, but this is very much real.
